A lesson in philosophy

you are some good-for-nothing!

he yelled.

HE.

my esteemed guide in the esteemed course in the esteemed institution.

you don't put in enough efforts.

you don't understand a thing.

your scores till 12 were great. great promise.

how many time do I need to tell people that I HATE that dialogue?

you were fantastic till 12. what happened after that?

your grades till 12 were impressive. didn't you like what you did after that?

Man, I , of all people knew they were great. I know what it is like to be praised by teachers. I know what it is to strut peacock-like, down the school corridors, as people whisper in awe :"look, there's that girl......."..............and yet....and yet............

Let's face it. My grades in Btech fell, or should I say plummeted - from my school grades. More than grades, there was this uncanny feeling that however much I try, I was not going to win this game. Guide, Sir, ever knew how it pains to be the square peg in a round hole?

And it's the same story again. I am hardly at ease with what I am doing. I won't say I don't try. But all the time I know I am playing a lost game. I am depressed, disappointed, disgusted. Sir, you know what the concoction tastes like.

Years ago, I had a tryst with destiny. I slept through the chance. destiny never gave me another.

Now, I sit and wonder - did I lose it because I chose the wrong route, or is the whole idea of a 'route' or 'calling' hypothetical? Am I failing because there's no way I can pass, or is it because I am plain lazy? In that case, how would I explain the All-India First Prize in an Elocution competition?

I am still waiting for the answers. Meanwhile, my registration seminar looms large and my guide is in flames.

As for me , I just wish euthanasia was an available option.